fog lights

i had been thinking that 2 years is such a short time.
i can remember what happened 2 years ago like it was last month...
individual memories, what was said, who was there.
they say "time flies when you are having fun"- but time also erases blank moments.

yes time sure can fly by,
actually when you linger, time seems to fog into a warp zone.
it's sad to think the past year of my life has massive time-loss where i may have been sort of lurking on the outside of what could have been something entirely different.
everything you put out there sends a message and has a reaction.

when i went through the motions...
when i knew i was on the cusp of moving on to something i felt will be unmistakably greater for me...
it took a irreversible toll on some of the everyday "what could have been(s)"
because it's people who light up my world, not just accomplishments and goals.

i don't know what it took to wake me up-
i needed to be solid so i partially turned myself into a rock
then hallelujah!! i suddenly re-realized i don't need to be anything at all but good and happy and it was unfair to myself to hold back at a time, an age, i'll never be again
i do regret the late development of this re-realization and that i could have initiated the making of many more beautiful memories.

there is some sort of beam of light from somewhere else
that must be shining me down, because i know i am incredibly lucky.
even with all this time standing still in my comfort zone and i am STILL allowed my hand at this amazing opportunity, completely outside and larger than myself!!
it's impossible not to feel at least a bit unworthy.

2 years might be longer than I thought... especially if i savor each moment.
taking into account how unexpectedly we die, get married, reproduce, and fall out.
how great is it that in the future, looking back on these next couple years I may have newly installed fog-lights... even if the lights shine on different people than those I have always loved.
how great it will be, to feel like 2 years ago was not just yesterday.

i love this!